Insomniac

Everyday people go through obstacles that help make up the structure of their individual lives, and whether people like it or not, these obstacles may be filled with struggles and disappointment. Sometimes these obstacles may not be obstacles that we particularly planned out for ourselves in the hopes of succeeding; however, certain things must be faced due to them being completely out of one's control. After a long hard day of school, I find myself ready to wind down and forget about the 7 hours of laborious learning I've faced throughout the day. Sure, saying that learning is laborious may seem a little dramatic, but who can blame me? Day in and day out, I come to school and learn about things that I may never end up using again for the rest of my life. Certain subjects I don't mind (anatomy, psych, and stat...........science and math are my thing ya know) while there are others I don’t exactly care for; yet there’s nothing I can do about it. As a student, I come in and learn what I'm told I need to know in order to function for the rest of my life, whether I want to engage in that particular subject or not. With the overabundance of information I take in from day to day, the idea of sleeping always seems to put a smile on my face. Sleeping is where I can rest and take my mind off things. Sleeping is where I can forget the worries and stress that arise due to my day to day activities and simply let my mind wander. Sleeping is where I can simply let my imagination take over and fill my head with vibrant dreams. Sleeping is a necessity for my sanity. If I couldn't sleep, if I couldn't fully unwind and relax after a day of hard work, I'd more than likely lose my mind. It fascinates me when others connect to one another through forms or art or literature, and one piece of poetry, by Maya Angelou, that really seems to connect with me and my deep desire/love towards the act of sleeping is called "Insomniac". The poem goes a little like this:

There are some nights when

Sleep plays coy,

Aloof and disdainful.

And all the wiles

That I employ to win

Its service to my side

Are useless as wounded pride,

And much more painful.

 

When I first read this poem, I felt an instant connection; it was as if all the feelings that were arising from this speaker due their sudden attack of insomnia were the feelings that I’ve once faced before on one of those rough nights where there is constant turning and discomfort within my own bed. Dealing with sleeping is almost as if you really are dealing with something “coy”; some nights, sleep comes instantly, almost too quickly, while others it seems as if sleep while never come about. The idea of sleep almost represents something that has a mind of its own, and there seems to be a never ending battle where you as the sleeper are playing a constant game of cat and mouse. When sleep doesn’t arise, and we’re forced to engage in a night full of insomnia, it seems as if “all the wiles” do arise and we are left to deal with the thoughts that revolve around our daily struggles. When these struggles are all we can think about, they do become “much more painful” seeing how without sleep, without that break in the day, we’d never have the chance to rest and forget about everything that’s going on around us for a couple of hours. As children, when we were given the chance to nap at school yet constantly refused and loathed the idea of going engaging slumber, we failed to realize how important sleep really is for a healthy human mind. Without sleep, people would never be able to brush their worries away and participate in the outer body experience of dreaming. Without sleep, unsettled emotions and actions driven from adrenaline would never have time to settle and hidden conflicts would arise between those all around us. Without sleep, people wouldn’t fully be able to be who they are. We need sleep, more than we’ll ever know. Ya feel me?



Nutcracker vs. Doll's House

Ahh the holiday season, isn't it simply just the best time of year? From the egg nog to the Christmas movies, from the cold air to the holiday lights, and the jolly feelings to the growing excitement towards the new year, the holiday season brings us all together while at the same time allows us to happily reflect on what this year has had to offer. Out of all the things one can love about this beloved time of year (*cough* Oscar movie's come out during this time.....WHAT WHAT), one thing I've always found myself drawn to is the Ballets that are put on downtown at the Fox Theatre. Something about Ballets repeatedly pull me in with a desire for more (along with the desire to suddenly pick up a pair of pointe shoes and become a ballerina) due to the fact that they constantly make everything seem as if it is effortless and beautiful. This previous weekend, I went to a Nutcracker performance that was by my friend's dance company, and everything about it was simply divine. From the music (I've been listening to the song that went with the "Arabian" dance nonstop for the past two days) to the beautiful costumes, everything about The Nutcracker made these dancers appear as if they were dolls that had come to life just for that one night, just for that one show. Aside from the beautiful dancing, one thing that really struck me as interesting was the fact that within this performance all of the characters finally came to life once the lights were off and the family members had gone to sleep; the doll like dancers almost represented secrets that only came about when they were protected by the shadows of the dark. Being the AP Literature student that I am *wink*, I of course began to connect these dancers, and the theme of The Nutcracker, to our most previously read story, A Doll's House. When the toys, mice, and most importantly, the Nutcracker, finally came to life and began to dance, battle, and interact with one another, I suddenly found myself recalling scenes within A Doll's House in which characters true intentions we're brought to life. Krogstad and Nora shadowed the battle of the Nutcracker and the Mouse King; both characters revealed their past doings, along with their present doings, all in an attempt to get the point across that they were fighting for their lives and were willing to battle it out to the death in order to protect the one's they loved, along with their reputation. However, once other members of the household came into room and the duo were no longer in darkness or some form of shadow to protect their secrets, the characters true intentions we're pushed aside and the two began to "put on an act"; this instantly reminded me of the doings of the Nutcracker and the Mouse King while they were in the midst of their battle: while the lights were off and the family was asleep, the characters true intentions were brought to life, yet, once morning came and people began to rise around them, the characters began to "play a role" and soon appeared to be their normal doll like/ mouse like selves again. With all this being said, I've began to wonder exactly why the idea of darkness being a safety zone for one to reveal their secrets plays such a significant role within these two stories. Why is it that these characters seemed to put on a facade in the light, yet, showed everyone their true intentions once the lights were out? Was it because they were afraid of what the light could do to them once others saw what they really were doing behind their backs? Or is the meaning something that can never fully be understood? When people have secrets, they tend to keep them in the dark, due to the fact that some are afraid of the idea of being judged or letting down those who enjoyed them as they previously were, playing the role that they previously played. These two stories significantly connect to one another because they raise the question of why some people tend to be afraid of the light, yet, feel safe in the dark. What is it about the darkness that keeps people feeling safe? Isn’t that kind of ironic? Who knows. As time goes on, maybe someday someone will discover the answer to these questions, but at the moment all one can really do is sit back and enjoy the stories that are The Nutcracker and A Doll's House. Ya feel me?

Nora vs. Newland

So, I think it's safe to say that both The Age of Innocence and A Doll's House aren’t exactly what I expected them to be. First things first, The Age of Innocence is nothing like gossip girl *sigh*! I was expecting this book to be about the scandalous lives of New York's upper East Siders with a side of sassy expeditions and nonstop privileged drama......the reality of the novel is far from that. The book not only centers around a young man who tends to be overly hypocritical of the world he comes from but also around a society in which women couldn’t do much for themselves and were afraid of being judged for going after what they truly wanted in life (Blair Waldorf aka the queen bee of Gossip Girl's Upper East Side would most definitely not approve of the weak minded ways of these women). As if the boring, slow paced plot wasn’t enough, the main character, Newland Archer, acts like a girl more than he should! Sure, he makes it clear what the role of men was supposed to be during this time period, however, he always falls back on what he says, therefore, making him fall less and less into the roll that he describes and more and more into the position of a woman. Newland is whiny, judgmental, and indecisive, yet, he continues to judge women and others around him almost as if he is so much better than them and everyone else around him. Who is he to judge? If he's aware that these are the only life values these people have ever truly known why does he feel the need to be so harsh? It's pretty clear that Newland knows what his place in society is supposed to be/ what is expected of him, however, he doesn’t know how to use his position to the best of his abilities, thus, making him unable to actually go for what he wants in life. On the other end of the novel spectrum, there’s Nora from A Doll's House. Nora is a woman who is fully aware of her place in society, as well her husband's and everyone else around her, that not only utilizes her position to help get what she wants but also attempts to take care of those that she loves, whether her methods be immoral or not. Nora makes it very clear to her audience that she is her very pleased with the basic day to day tasks that she partakes in (hence her repeatedly telling Kristine how happy she is.......we get it) and that she wants to make sure her family is happy as they enjoy the moments of the upcoming holidays, however, Nora seems to relate to Archer in the sense that she doesn't fit into all aspects of the typical gender role. Women during Nora's time period weren’t allowed to handle money in any way, shape, or form, yet Nora borrows money behind her husband’s back in order to save his life and keep her family together. Sure, she embraces her gender role when it comes to squeezing excess money out of her husband or flirting with Dr. Rank, however, her intentions seem to be more selfless seeing how her desire for money is driven by her wanting for her family to stay out of debt and live happy lives. I'm not saying Nora isn’t selfish (she is.....her encounter with Kristine was actually super annoying. Where's your sympathy Nora??) But it seems as if she, the person who more so resembles a child like doll, has more mature wants in life than Newland, the person who is seen as this adult like New York man whose desires really reflect his own selfish wants and needs. These two puzzle me because they help show the way America has always seemed to value someone’s ability based off gender while also making it clear that sometimes not fitting ones typical role can either making them stronger (Nora, in a sense) or weaker (NEWLAND). Ya feel me?